What Your Behaviors May Be Trying to Tell You

We have talked about Core Wounds and False Beliefs we may carry about ourselves. But what might those wounds look like in our everyday actions and behaviors?

Sometimes, the behaviors that frustrate us — or frustrate the people around us — are not random. They may be clues pointing toward a deeper emotional wound or an unmet need.

If someone tends to be controlling, panics easily, worries often, prepares for the “worst-case scenario,” or double- and triple-checks things like whether the stove is off or the doors are locked, it may be because they feel unsafe.

If someone is a people-pleaser who rarely considers their own wants and needs, overcompensates, avoids upsetting others, or struggles with boundaries, they may be carrying a wound around feeling unworthy.

If someone raises their voice often, uses big gestures when talking, stands too close during conversations, over-explains, or keeps bringing up past issues that have already been discussed, they may be feeling unseen or unheard.

If someone expresses anger in unhealthy ways, becomes spiteful, ghosts others, constantly tries to “one-up” people, or always wants to decide where to go, when to go, or what to eat, they may be feeling trapped or powerless.

If someone shuts others out, stonewalls, seems constantly frustrated, or gives up easily, they may be feeling misunderstood.

These behaviors do not mean someone is “bad.” They may simply be protective strategies. At some point, these behaviors may have helped the person feel safer, more in control, more seen, or less vulnerable.

The problem is that these strategies often stop working. They may create distance, conflict, resentment, or disconnection in relationships. They may also keep the person from getting the very thing they actually need.

If you notice certain behaviors in yourself that keep repeating — especially behaviors that bother other people, do not give you the result you want, or cause others to label you as “angry,” “controlling,” “meek,” “defensive,” or “difficult” — it may be helpful to take a step back and ask what those behaviors are trying to communicate.

Instead of only asking:

“What am I doing?”

Try also asking:

“Why am I doing this?”

“What am I trying to protect?”

“What am I afraid might happen?”

“What need is not being met?”

“What core wound might be driving this reaction?”

There is usually a deeper Core Wound or unmet need underneath repeated behaviors.

When we become curious instead of judgmental, those behaviors can become a guide to understanding ourselves more clearly.

This kind of awareness can help us begin creating more peaceful, contented, and satisfying relationships with others and with ourselves.

Have the courage to ask yourself the “why” behind the “what.”

That is where deeper healing can begin.

If you recognize repeated behaviors in yourself and would like help understanding what may be underneath them, I would be happy to support you.

Contact me at gentlecure@verizon.net to schedule a free 20-minute Connection Call, and together we can begin exploring the Core Wounds, unmet needs, or limiting beliefs that may be shaping your reactions and relationships.