Latest Articles 

How do our subconscious and conscious minds work? And how do they affect our beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and actions? Here come those Core Wounds again. Our pre-programmed beliefs about ourselves and others, which are often false, can shape our thought patterns. Those beliefs and thoughts can then create emotions, and those emotions often influence our behaviors. This process can happen very quickly and automatically. Many times, we are not consciously choosing the belief, t

Let’s talk about what Core Wounds are, how they form, and why they can have such a strong influence on the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Core Wounds are the deep meanings we attach to situations when we are not able to fully process them emotionally. They often become limiting beliefs about ourselves. For example, if you had a parent or caregiver who was very critical of what you said, what you did, or how you looked, you may have developed a Core Wound such a

We have talked about the 6 Basic Human Needs: Growth Contribution Significance Uncertainty Love and Connection Certainty Now, let’s talk about the steps needed to begin getting these needs met in a healthier and more intentional way. Step 1: Identify Which Needs Matter Most to You The first step is to examine these needs and determine which ones are most important to you. Everyone has the same basic human needs, but the importance of each need may be different for each person

Very often, we have big goals for ourselves, but we either do not know how to begin or we cannot quite find the motivation to get started. Do your goals ever feel overwhelming? If so, here is one way to give yourself a gentle “nudge” toward realizing those goals. Once you have done some deep introspection about yourself, your behavior patterns, your false beliefs, and the Core Wounds you may have adopted in childhood, you can begin taking the next step. Self-awareness helps u

We have established that we all have Core Wounds or False Beliefs about ourselves at some point in our lives. Some of us may have only a few, while others may recognize many of them. Although Core Wounds often begin in childhood, different events throughout our lives can also create or reinforce these beliefs. We are not always aware of how our Core Wounds affect us. Many times, they operate beneath the surface, shaping our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors before we even rea

We have talked about Core Wounds and False Beliefs we may carry about ourselves. But what might those wounds look like in our everyday actions and behaviors? Sometimes, the behaviors that frustrate us — or frustrate the people around us — are not random. They may be clues pointing toward a deeper emotional wound or an unmet need. If someone tends to be controlling, panics easily, worries often, prepares for the “worst-case scenario,” or double- and triple-checks things like w

There is often a chain reaction that happens when a painful thought, belief, or emotional wound is activated. A triggering event can lead to a belief. That belief can lead to thoughts. Those thoughts can create painful emotions. Those emotions can then lead to actions or coping behaviors that are meant to relieve the pain as quickly as possible. This pattern can be understood as BTEA: Beliefs → Thoughts → Emotions → Actions When we are not aware of this chain reaction, we may

Previously, we discussed the four attachment styles: Secure Attachment, Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment, Fearful-Avoidant Attachment, and Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment. Now, let’s look at an example of why it is so important to understand your attachment style, as well as the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that may come from it. Many people with a Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style experience what is sometimes referred to as a “phantom ex.” A phantom ex is a person from

How can our emotions help us in life? Emotions give us important feedback. They can help us understand the stories we are telling ourselves about events in our lives. They can also help us identify what we need in order to feel more grounded, supported, and emotionally steady. The important thing to remember is that the stories we tell ourselves are not always true. When something happens in our lives and we feel a painful emotion, that emotion is often connected to the meani

We have been learning about the 4 Types of Attachment Styles and how each one can influence the way people feel, act, react, communicate, and think about themselves in relationships. Now, let’s look at a few relationship scenarios and see if you can identify which attachment style may be showing up in each one. The four attachment styles are: Secure Attachment Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Fearful Avoidant Attachment Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Scenario 1 Sam and Jane hav

So far, we have talked about three of the four main attachment styles: Secure Attachment, Anxious Preoccupied Attachment, and Fearful Avoidant Attachment. Keep in mind that attachment styles can sometimes overlap. In other words, a person may primarily identify with one attachment style while also having some traits or patterns from another. The fourth and final attachment style is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment. What Is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment? A person with a Dismiss

We have been learning about the four attachment styles and how they can affect the way we connect with others. So far, we have discussed Secure Attachment, which is the attachment style many people are working toward, and Anxious Preoccupied Attachment, which is often connected to a deep fear of abandonment. Now, let’s move on to the third attachment style: Fearful Avoidant Attachment. What Is Fearful Avoidant Attachment? Someone with a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style often

Last week, we learned about the four attachment styles: Secure Attachment Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Fearful Avoidant Attachment Dismissive Avoidant Attachment We learned that attachment styles are often nervous system responses formed through early experiences, usually in childhood, although attachment patterns can also be shaped by experiences in adulthood. These patterns influence how we relate to others, how we relate to ourselves, and how we show up in relationships.

What Is an Attachment Style? Our attachment style is the subconscious set of rules we use when connecting with other people. These “rules” are often formed through our earliest experiences of attachment and connection, especially with parents or caregivers. As children, we begin learning what connection feels like. We learn whether people are safe, whether our needs matter, whether others respond to us, and whether closeness feels comforting or threatening. Over time, these e

In addition to our 6 Basic Human Needs and our Subconscious Personality Needs, we also have Tertiary Needs. Think of the 6 Basic Human Needs as the needs everyone has in order to live a more harmonious, emotionally fulfilling life. These needs include certainty, uncertainty, love and connection, significance, growth, and contribution. While we all share these needs, their level of importance is different for each person. Our Personality Needs are the needs we organize our per

We’ve been learning about our Personality Needs, how they impact us, and how they can sometimes keep us from getting our needs met in a healthy way. As we try to get our 6 Basic Human Needs met, we may self-sabotage or procrastinate when we are not in alignment with our Personality Needs. These needs may include things like adventure, status, communication, creativity, comfort, connection, or security. When we are not aware of these needs, we may let our subconscious take cha

We’ve been learning about the 6 Basic Human Needs that are important to everyone: Love and Connection Significance Certainty Uncertainty Growth Contribution Our needs are the things that allow us to thrive, feel fulfilled, and experience a greater sense of balance in our lives. These needs are also important in our relationships because healthy relationships require emotional safety, connection, growth, communication, and support. Remember, the mind often uses the quickest st

Last week, we talked about the 6 Basic Human Needs and how unmet needs can affect the way we feel, think, and behave. I also mentioned that we would begin looking at personality needs this week. Before we move into those, I want to spend one more week helping you identify which of the 6 Basic Human Needs may be driving your current behaviors. As a reminder, the 6 Basic Human Needs are: Growth — the desire to grow or expand in any area of life. Contribution — the desire to giv

Last week, we discussed emotional triggers, the sensations they can cause in our bodies, and how to identify the emotions that may accompany those sensations. We also learned how to use the 4-7-8 breathing technique as a simple way to help calm the nervous system. Once you are emotionally regulated, the next step is to ask yourself an important question: Which of my needs are not being met right now? When we pause long enough to notice what we need, we can begin to understand

Most of us know what it feels like to get “out of sync” with our bodies and emotions. Sometimes we are triggered by something — a word, a smell, a person, a place, or a memory — and before we even realize what is happening, our bodies begin to respond. That response can show up in many ways: stomach discomfort, shallow breathing, neck or head tension, a racing heartbeat, shaky hands, a flushed face, or tightness in the chest. You know your body best, and you probably know the